You've Got A Hand On Your Heart
by Vanille Strawberry
Summary: One wrong step, one miscalculated move and everything could blow up in her face. It more less had. Brittana Oneshot. Post "Sexy"


Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. This beautiful, _beautiful _show.

A/N: I'm seriously just in shocked awe of this show. Just ... I'm speechless. I still think I dreamt the whole thing to be honest. I have the entire episode on repeat. We're getting there my litte duckies :)

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You've Got A Hand On Your Heart

Many things had happened to Santana since she had started High school. Some good, some bad and some in that ambiguous grey area between both. The good and bad times were the easiest to navigate through; simply because she knew what to expect and what general direction she had to take. The grey areas on the other hand were like minefields. One wrong step, one miscalculated move and everything could blow up in her face.

It more less had.

She avoided Brittany's gaze nowadays, tucked her head into her chest and jogged through the halls whenever the blonde made to approach her. Because with every longing glance, every regretful expression and every whispered word that the dancer threw her way, it broke her a little more. It had come to a point where, to survive, Santana had been forced to sever most contact between them. If that meant running away then that was the way it had to be.

Because those words they had spoken to each other still hung in the air uncomfortably, a painful reminder that Santana had put her heart on the line for the first time and Brittany had reluctantly handed it back, bruised and damaged, asking the Latina to wait. To wait until Artie had moved on. To wait, cry and numbly live her existence until they could be together.

Not that Santana could blame Brittany's logic. In her lucid moments, she understood that wrecking a perfectly stable relationship to jump into a new one had the potential to be toxic. There would be comparisons made on both sides, regrets and bitter words would be exchanged until they crumbled and split apart. Not having Brittany at all was better than having and losing her instantly.

So Santana bid her time. She shifted into autopilot and broke it off with Sam, watching the boy flounder and trip over himself for an explanation. She didn't give him one. She just kept on planning and made sure that when the inevitability that was the 'Bartie Break-up' happened, she would be single and ready. She even regularly attended those stupid celibacy meetings that Berry had taken complete control of to display how committed she was to this new direction her life was taking.

Now, just the mere thought of being intimate with someone that wasn't Brittany made her feel sick. Because it had never just been sex between them. From the very first time, though neither of them had mustered the courage to say it aloud, their lovemaking had been a connection of souls. There was no other way to explain it. Santana hated to admit it, but she'd had sex with dozens of guys and none of them had ever made her feel as beautiful or as loved as Brittany had. No boy had ever held her close through the height of passion as she'd sobbed, feeling the complete intensity of their love manifested. No boy had ever sung her to sleep or gazed into her eyes and said she was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Only Brittany. Always Brittany.

Santana wondered often if Artie accompanied the blonde to her motocross practice like she used to. Or if his mom helped Brittany with her homework at the kitchen table like Santana's mother used to. She wondered if he text her 'good morning beautiful' like she still did and text her 'goodnight my love' like she had started to. She wondered if Brittany's little sister rode around on his wheelchair like she used to ride around on Santana's back. She wondered if the eldest Pierce sister glared at him for taking away her 'Baby B' like she used to do to Santana. She wondered if Artie felt a piece of himself missing whenever Brittany wasn't at his side like Santana did.

She knew it wasn't healthy in the least. That her life was wrapped so intently around another person. But she'd picked Landslide as their song for a reason; since their first meeting, Santana had literally built her entire _life _around Brittany. The college's she had expressed interests in were generally in dancer friendly area's, she'd started a 'Brittany and Santana apartment' trust fund a couple of years back, she had the blonde's schedule learned off by heart so that she knew where she was at all times just in case … and so much more.

Santana also urged herself to sing more songs in Glee, mostly love songs and mostly backup for Tina or Mercedes but it was a start. The only thing that held her together during those performances was Brittany's wide smile, a blush sprinkled across her cheeks and one of her hands placed on her chest protectively, letting Santana know that she still loved her too. It was their little code. Even when their eyes refused to meet and their paths separated in the halls, Santana watched for Brittany's hand over her heart and Brittany did likewise.

I'm yours, Brittany's said.

I'll wait, Santana's replied.

And sure, she'd have to pick herself up some more, shake off the sting of rejection that had been merited after what she'd put Brittany through. She hadn't completely healed yet but she was getting there. And in the meantime … she would continue to navigate this grey area with her hand over her heart and a dancer in her thoughts.


End file.
